Empty Practice

While the title I chose for this post might feel a little negative, it's the only way I can think of to accurately express something I've been coming to terms with with my own practice, and finding and feeling with what I hear and read of practice in others. Most people, and including myself though I'm starting to see it for what it is, approach practice with a goal, or an expectation. Even in a broader scope an intent. I came to practice to figure things out, to figure 'me' out. I think most of us have come to the mat some days to meditate 'on' something.

But it doesn't work like that.

Shikantaza, the 'method' if you will of zazen that I attempt to practice, is literally translated as 'just sitting'. While part and parcel with that is sitting with what comes up, we very often can bring our own baggage along to the mat. I've talked to people interested in sitting, who often speak of wanting to get something out of it. The sitting becoming a means to an end of some inner peace, or relaxation, or whathaveyou. The issue with this, is that there is still a subjective 'me', who will receive whatever this is that we imagine. Whatever comes up in the practice is then fed back into the concept of 'me', either this profound feeling of relation that 'I' experience, or a feeling of frustration that 'I' have not. Oddly enough, even with those who wish to experience a dropping away of this 'I', often express it still in terms of I, as if it's something for them to gain, or to lose.

To sit, I've been finding in my own practice, has to be in the end, just to sit. Not to 'get something out of it'. Not even to 'not get something out of it'. The practice is just for the practice. Sitting, just to sit. Because it's the action that matters. What comes up in the practice will come up, and that may be related to the self, or may not. But that is let go of. It is not meditated 'upon'. Come to the mat empty of intention. The Way isn't about getting anything from it. This is just sitting. Nothing more. And nothing less.

Finding someplace to begin

Good evening, and welcome to my blog. This is a place that I hope to put some of my thoughts on my own practice of Zen, mostly the meditation aspect of it. I will say at the get go that I am no teacher, nor great mind upon the subject. I am just a practitioner, as best as I may in what time I find for the practice.

The title of this post, which when I typed it I meant in more a sense of finding someplace to start the blog, well, it's a little more relevant to my practice as a whole. Zen is a philosophy of action, much more than the introvertedness that I've seen the popular media put it. It is less about what you believe, and more about how you live that belief. I am but two years into my practice, and finding someplace to begin even with my meditation can often be difficult. The cushion, once you get past the initial idea of quiet meditation being a calming place, has become somewhat my battleground. Some days are easier than others, and some days I find that the seat is the last place I want to be. Point in fact, I haven't sat for a week. Coming back to the cushion will be like meeting a friend whom you grew estranged from. Perhaps happy to see initially, but the conditions that push you apart will come back again. And it's back to finding someplace to begin once more.

Take my words as you will. All I can offer is my own experience.